


My Most Beloved, John Laurens

by Rantaboutbees



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: F/M, I kept it as close to canon as I could, It's really hard to write as Hamilton wtf, M/M, Sad, Unrequited Love, i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-21
Updated: 2016-12-21
Packaged: 2018-09-10 18:44:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8928748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rantaboutbees/pseuds/Rantaboutbees
Summary: Alexander Hamilton writes one final letter to John Laurens. All his words have come too late.





	

My most beloved, John Laurens,  
  
My wife Elizabeth delivered the message regarding your fate only a few days prior to my transcribing these words. After much consideration, I have decided that one last letter addressed to yourself is what I require in order to survive the fact that I shall never lay my eyes upon your face again.  
  
John Laurens, you have been my closest ally and one of my only friends. I have never expressed just how much I appreciate yourself and what you have done for me and this country. This is the moment that I inform you of all the things I would have been wise to let you know of sooner.  
  
The very first day I held a conversation with you was the day I knew my heart was doomed. You bled sensitivity and determination with every word. You are the kind, soft hearted counter to my own arrogant and impulsive demeanour. I stand no chance when your shining emerald eyes look into mine. Your smile is enough to cure any heartache. Your tender fingers make my heart race when they brush my skin. After a battle against the British, our faces are flushed and our chests are pounding, but my cheeks do not change their shade only for the thrill of action. You can never understand how enthralled I am by your strength upon the battlefield. Your selflessness and courage is unmatched. I can only dream to be as trustworthy and sacrificing as you have never failed to be.  
  
This has been a particularly straining time for me, as both a politician and a husband. I love Eliza in every way I am able, but she cannot capture and cure me as you can. Not a day goes by that my mind does not stray to thoughts of you, honourable Laurens. The memory of your voice is my lullaby during my long nights awake, mulling over recent events and the inane actions of my numerous enemies. My imagination ventures over your lips and cheeks, and the constellations that decorate your skin. I long endlessly to feel your hands laced with mine, your lips pressed against mine. How I beg to be permitted to hold you close, to cup your soft, speckled skin in my hands, how much I would sacrifice to know the feeling of every inch of your body under my fingertips. John Laurens, I would give up everything to have you holding me at this very moment. My body is desperate to be pressed close to yours. My heart is heavy as I attempt every day to wrap my head around the unchangeable fact that I can never love you in the way that I so desperately need to. I am devastated to know that you shall never be aware of just how much I require your company, my darling John Laurens.  
  
I fear this letter has been conceived too late. No matter how much I need you, you are gone. I have begun and ceased the writing of this message many times over, for years upon years. I have always missed you, John Laurens. I have always loved you. From age nineteen, all those days ago, to this lonely day and every lonely day that the cold and daunting future holds. You should have been made aware of my utter infatuation with every aspect regarding your existence. I understand that you likely will not have returned my feelings for you, and this may have always been an unrequited love no matter what action I chose to take. Nevertheless, it was unfair of me to keep you from knowing how you hold my heart and soul.  
  
I shall sign this letter, enclose it in an envelope, and stamp it shut. I shall write your name on the back. My message will be complete, my emotions shall be immortalized on paper, and I will have said everything I have ever needed to say about you, John Laurens. I will have this letter in my hands, but I will have nowhere to send it. For you are dead. You are dead, my love, and no amount of confessing or pleading will change such a fact.  
  
You will forgive me for ending this letter so soon. It is unusual of me to write such a short and concise message. However, my vision is becoming obscured with emotion and my hands are beginning to tremble. If I were to continue to write, I fear my words may lose their eloquence and degrade to those of an unstable mourner. Therefore, I shall end my letter thusly.  
  
I love you more than anything on this planet, John Laurens. It is such a shame that we live in a world in which we could never have been together. I offer my deepest and most profound apologies that this letter has been written so late.  
  
Eternally yours, and always with you in my heart,  
Alexander Hamilton


End file.
